국카스텐. ㅡ mandrake 2011 live

https://youtu.be/zKc52RtS_-khttps://youtu.be/zKc52RtS_-k

My Bloody Valentine - Sometimes

Close my eyes
Feel me now
I don't know how you could not love me now
You will know, with her feet down to the ground
Over there, and I want you Love to know
You can't hide, oh no, from the way I feel

Turn my head
Into sound
I don't know when I lay down on the ground
You will find the (way it) hurts to love
Never cared, and the world turned hearts to love
We will see, oh now, in a day or two
You will wait
See me go
I don't care, where your head turned (I don't know)
You will wait, when I turn my eyes around
Overhead when I hold you next to me
Overhead, to know the way I see

Close my eyes
Feel me now
I don't know, maybe you could not hurt me now
Here alone, when I feel down too
Over there, when I await true love for you
You can hide, oh now, the way I do
You can see, oh now, oh the way I do

Damien Rice - The Greatest Bastard - Later... with Jools Holland - BBC Two

I made you laugh, I made you cry
I made you open up your eyes, 
didn`t I?
I helped you open up your wings
Your legs, and many other things, 
didn`t I?
Am I the greatest bastard that you know?
The only one who let you go?
One you hurt so much you cannot bear?
We were good when we were good
We were not misunderstood
You helped me love, you helped me live
You helped me learn how to forgive, 
didn`t you?
I wish that I could say the same
But when you left, you left the blame, 
didn`t you?
Am I the greatest bastard that you met?
The only one you can`t forget?
Am I the one your truth`s been waiting for?
or am I just dreaming once again?
Some dreams are better when they end
Some make it, mistake it
Some force and some will fake it
I never meant to let you down
Some ret it, forget it
Some ruin and some regret it
I never meant to let you down
We learned to wag and tuck our tails
We learned to win and then to fail, 
didn`t we?
We learned that lovers love to sing
And that losers love to cling, 
didn`t we?
Am I the greatest bastard that you know?
When will we learn to let this go?
We fought so much we`ve broken all the charm
But letting go is not the same 
as pushing someone else away
So please don`t let on you don`t know me
Please don`t let on I`m not here
Please don`t let on you don`t love me, cause 
I know you do. I know
That some make it, mistake it
Some force and some will fake it
But I never meant to let you down
Some fret it, forget it
Some ruin and some regret it
But I never meant to let you down
I never meant to let you
I never meant to let you down
I never meant

The Eagles - Hotel California - Concert Live Acoustic

On a dark desert highway 
Cool wind in my hair 
The wrm smell of colitas 
Rising up through the air 
Up ahaed in a distance 
I saw ashimmering light 
My head grew heavy and my side grew dim 
I had to stop for the night 

There she stood in the doorway 
I heard the mission bell 
And I was thinking to myself 
This could be heaven or this could be hell 
Then she lit up a candle 
And she showed me the way 
There were voices down the corridore 
I thought I heard them say 

Welcome to the Hotel California 
Such a lovely place, such a lovely face 
There's plenty of room in the Hotel California 
Any time of year, you can find it here 

Her mind is tiffany twisted 
She's got a Mercedes Benz 
She's got a lotta pretty, pretty boys 
She calls friends 
How they dance in the courtyard 
Sweet summer sweat 
Some dance to remember 
Some dance to forget 

So I called up the captain 
Please bring me my vine 
He said "We haven't had that spirit here since 1969" 
And still those voices they're calling from far away 
Wake you up in the middle of the night 
Just to hear them say 

Welcome to the Hotel California 
Such a lovely place, such a lovely face 
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California 
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis 

Mirrors on the ceilling, the pink champaign on ice 
And she said "We are all just prisoners here of our own 
device" 
In the masters chambers they're gahthered for the feast 
They stab it with their steely knifes but they just can't kill 
the beast 

Last thing I remember, I was runnin' for the door 
I had to find the passage back to the place 
I was before "Relax" said the night man 
"We're all programmed to recieve 
You can check out everytime you like, 
but you can never 
leave"

캔버스 짜는 날.

오늘 캔버스를 짜러 작업실에 갔다.

요즈음은 작업실 말고 집에서 작업을 하고 있는데, 이 놈의 아파트는 왜이리 소음에 민감들 하신지.

하나 짜다가 포기하고, 작업실로 고고.


캔버스를 짜는 과정은 꽤나 힘들지만 나에겐 나름 의미있는 시간이다.

못을 박을 위치를 하나하나 치수를 재고, 다소의 강박증을 지닌체 하나씩 못을 박는다.

어쩌면 본인의 작품보다 캔버스를 짜는 과정이 더 세밀할지도 모르겠다는 생각도 한다.

마냥 우습지만은 아닌 것이지만.


차에 실리는 50호 4개 80호 1개를 짰는데, 오랜만이라 그런지 꽤나 힘들었다.

다 끝나니까 저녁 10시가 넘었다.

예전의 차는 100호까지 실렸는데...


집에 돌아와, 대략의 짐을 풀고, 베란다에 나가 1차 젯소질을 했다.

아마, 요번 작업은 '숲'에 관한 작업이 될듯한데, 스케치를 조금더 해볼생각이다.

grado 325i

요즘 물건을 엄청나게 사지 않고 있는 나를 발견하곤 하는데,

언젠가부터 물건에 대한 소유욕? 같은 것이 많이 없어진듯하다.

그치만, 정말 가지고 싶은 것에 대한 것은 또 아이러니하게 있는데,

요즘 관심이가는 헤드폰이다.


작업을 할때  헤드폰을 쓰고 음악을 들으면서 하는 편인데,

지금 쓰고 있는 헤드폰이 너무 낡아서 새것이 필요한 시점이래서 찾아본 헤드폰이다.

본인이 주로 듣는 음악은 아마도 락.쪽인 듯한데, 이 헤드폰이 그 분야에서 최적화된 헤드폰이라고 한다.

그치만 인터넷에선 파는 곳이 없다 ....


다시 물건에 대해서 좀더 얘기하자면, 예전에 비하여, 이것저것 잡다한 것을 사기보다는

좀 더 확실한 물건 하나. 를 사는편인듯하다.

그것이  그 물건을 더 소중히 다루는데 있어서 좋기도 하고, 만족감도 크다는 생각이다.

polaris_光と影

ひろがる空氣のうしろにひろがる 

それぞれの想い 僕たちの轍 消えたりしない 

とれたてオレンジ つづきは古井戶 

それぞれの想い フラッシュライトみたい 消えたりしない 

光と影のおりなす世界にこだまする 「愛でしょ」 

あぁ 戾れない記憶の裏側をみつけた みつけた! 

廣がる空氣のうしろに暮した 

それぞれの想い 僕たちの轍 泣いたりしない 

光と影のおりなす世界にこだまする 「いいでしょ」 

36度7分の微熱なら いいでしょ ねぇいいでしょう 

光と影のおりなす世界にこだまする 「いいでしょ」 

あぁ 戾れない記憶の裏側をみつけた みつけた! 

36度7分の微熱なら いいでしょ ねぇいいでしょう 

光と影のおりなす世界にこだまする 「愛でしょ」 

Nirvana - Something In The Way (Unplugged In New York)

Underneath the bridge
tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
But it's ok to eat fish
Cause they haven't any feelings
Something in the way

Something in the way yea
Something in the way

Something in the way yea

Underneath the bridge
tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
But it's ok to eat fish
Cause they haven't any feelings
Something in the way

Something in the way yea
Something in the way

Something in the way yea
Something in the way

Something in the way yea
Something in the way

Something in the way yea

From The Inside - Linkin Park

rage against the machine - Wake up

Although ya try to discredit
Ya still never edit
The needle, I'll thread it
Radically poetic
Standin' with the fury that they had in '66
And like E-Double I'm mad
Still knee-deep in the system's shit
Hoover, he was a body remover
I'll give ya a dose
But it'll never come close
To the rage built up inside of me
Fist in the air, in the land of hypocrisy

Movements come and movements go
Leaders speak, movements cease
When their heads are flown
'Cause all these punks
Got bullets in their heads
Departments of police, the judges, the feds
Networks at work, keepin' people calm
You know they went after King
When he spoke out on Vietnam
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the shot

Wit' poetry, my mind I flex
Flip like Wilson, vocals never lackin' dat finesse
Whadda I got to, whadda I got to do to wake ya up
To shake ya up, to break the structure up
'Cause blood still flows in the gutter
I'm like takin' photos
Mad boy kicks open the shutter
Set the groove
Then stick and move like I was Cassius
Rep the stutter step
Then bomb a left upon the fascists
Yea, the several federal men
Who pulled schemes on the dream
And put it to an end

Ya better beware
Of retribution with mind war
20/20 visions and murals with metaphors

Networks at work, keepin' people calm
Ya know they murdered X
And tried to blame it on Islam
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the shot
What was the price on his head

한숨.

일이년동안 작업을 하지 않았던 것에 대한 일종의 벌이라고 생각한다.

오랜만에 그린 작업이 영 아닌것같다.

아마 태워버려야할 작업이다.

작업을 두고 몇 분이고 몇 십분이고 바라보았는데, 영 아닌것같아서 백만번의 한숨을 쉰다.



요즘은 앞으로 얼마나 이 지구에 살아 있을까하고 생각한다.

베란다에서 밤하늘을 보면서, 달을 보면서 담배를 태우곤 하는데, 그럴때마다 생각한다.

참, 지구란 별은 너무 아름답구나. 하고.

그러면서, 얼마나 이곳에서 살아갈수 있을까 하고 생각하곤한다.



굉장히 많이 생각하는 것은 짜릿하게 전달되는 음악같은 작업을 하고 싶다는 것이다.

최근에 정말로 많이 생각하는 것은 이런쪽인듯하다.

음악같이 세포에서 세포로 전달되는 듯한 작업.

그런것이 필요하다.

Radiohead - No Surprises

Radiohead - No Surprises

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal


You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide


No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent


This is my final fit, my final 
Bellyache with


No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please


Such a pretty house, 
Such a pretty garden


No alarms and no surprises 

No alarms and no surprises 

No alarms and no surprises please 

The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time
On a live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet junebug skipping like a stone
With the headlights pointed at the dawn
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all
And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know just where our bones will rest to dust 
I guess forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

Double cross the vacant and the bored
They're not sure just what we have in the store
Morphine city slippin dues down to see
That we don't even care as restless as we are
We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts
And poured cement, lamented and assured to the lights 
And towns below faster than the speed of sound
Faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope

Justine never knew the rules 
Hung down with the freaks and the ghouls
No apologies ever need be made 
I know you better than you fake it to see 
That we don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know just where our bones will rest to dust 
I guess forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

The street heats the urgency of sound
As you can see there's no one around

Coldplay - Up&Up

Fixing up a car to drive in it again
Searching for the water, hoping for the rain
Up and up, Up and up

Down upon a canvas, working with a wheel
Waiting for a chance to pick your orange peel
Up and up, Up and up

See a performer, a diamond in the rough
See a bird soaring high above the flood
It's in your blood, It's in your blood

Underneath the storm an umbrella is saying
Sitting with the poison takes away the pain
Up and up, Up and up

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know we’re gonna get it, 
get it together somehow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know, we’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and go
Up, and up, and up

Drowning in the study emptying the moon
Trying to empty out the ocean with a spoon
Up and up, Up and up

How can people suffer? How can people part?
How can people struggle? How can people
Break your heart? Break your heart?

Yes I wanna know, show me how to feel
Yes I wanna know, show me how to
Heal it up, heal it up

I’m trying to see the forest staring at every seed
Angels in the marble waiting to be freed
Just need love, Just need love
When the going is rough, saying

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know we’re gonna get it, 
get it together somehow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know, we’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and go

Cause you can say what is, power through it
Close your mind and clench your fist
You can change minds, take the risk
Or see each soul like happiness

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know we’re gonna get it, 
get it together somehow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know, we’re gonna get it, 
get it together and flow
We’re gonna get it,
get it together and go
Up, and up, and up

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know we’re gonna get it,
get it together somehow
We’re gonna get it,
get it together and flow

We’re gonna get it, get it together
I know, we’re gonna get it,
get it together and flow
We’re gonna get it, 
get it together and go
Up, and up, and up

Fixing up a car to drive in it again
When you’re in pain, 
when you think you’ve had enough
Don’t ever give up

Don't ever give up
Just believe in love

루시드폴 - 그대손으로 intro

何てったの - fishmans

眠りの国から覚めた僕は だらしなく歩く あの娘はつぶやく 何か僕に でも何もわからないよ 今なんて 僕に言ったの? 今なんて 僕に言ったの? ふりかえったらさ 君は見てたよ ずっと昔の顔で 甘い気持ちも 風も残して 僕を見つめてる そんなまなざしが 時を止めてくれる あの娘はつぶやく だれた街で さえわたったセリフ 新しい気持ち つめたままで 僕に投げてくれる また何か 僕に聞かせて また何か 僕に教えて 君と見つけた 今年の夏は 新しい風さ こんな気持ちは 逃しやしない 秋風にのせて 連れてゆきたいよ ずっと遠くまで

비주류이고 싶은 마음.

주류와 비주류가 어디 따로 정해져 있는 것이겠느냐마는

여전히 약간의 아웃사이더적인 마인드가 뼈 속 깊숙이 울린다.

이런저런 세상사의 이야기에

나는 전혀 공감하지 못하고.

아마도 미성숙하거나 깊이를 알지못하는 것인지.

아니면, 나역시도 숨겨져있는 비릿내를 인정하고 싶지 않은 것인지.





어른스럽다는 것은 참 비루한 것인지도 모른다는 생각에 나이를 먹어간다는 것에 조금은 서글퍼진다.